Rantness Unplugged
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeesh!
Y'know, it's just plain amusing when I rant about feeling lost in the madness of growing up and wondering where I'm letting God lie in my life just hours ago, and then having the topic come up again in my 3o1 class tonight, complete with some understanding. Not 1oo% understanding, but definitely a large enough chunk to make me feel better. ^^

OK, let me back up just a sec. 3o1 is a section of a 4 part class at the class I'm currently attending. Mom and I have already gone to 1o1 back in Oct., 2o1 around Dec., and now 3o1 this month. 3o1 is about figuring out what spiritual gifts we have; the results to my "non-test" were, to say the least, unexpected and yet easy to predict

On a scale of o-1o, with 1o being the highest, my top three gifts, from lesser to greatest were:
~Helping
~Mercy
~Faith

Helping, according to this class, is exactly the stuff I was describing earlier that I wanted to get away from: being the glue between the pages. Admittedly, I'm quite good at it. Pastor Hadley assured us that we weren't all going to be happy with the gifts we tested best for, but he also told us that we tested that way for a reason. M'kay....

Mercy is about just that--showing mercy, compassion, and love for those that are hurting. Yes, I am very very good at that. I don't know about being called to do that on a regular basis when other people expect me to; I have what I like to call a quiet mercy: I feel I show compassion and empathy a lot, I just have trouble showing it to others other than the people that need it. But then, this isn't about getting attention, now is it?

Faith. Got a perfect 1o. In all seriousness, I gaped at that result. Apparentally so much so that one of the other members commented on my expression. As I tried to explain to Mom tonight, I expected that result, but at the same time, I was shocked that I actually got it. It's not that I'm doubting that God exists in my life--I know very much so that He does--it's just that I've been asking Him a lot of hard questions lately, and being the impatient person I am, I get fidgety when I don't get answers right away. Or the answers that I want.

And then there's the growing up thing. When I was younger, I promised that I would never do certain things, but I ended up doing them anyway. Nothing major (ie--criminal), but stuff like swearing. I used to avoid anything that had cursing in it like the plague. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that these days I drop a bad word at work every day or so. And then I think that God is disappointed in me and that I'm not a Christian at all and blah blah blah--by the way, this sentence is turning into gibberish because it isn't true at all. I know God won't drop me just because I said @#*%.

The class defined faith as the special gift to be able to believe and depend on God to take care of the future, no matter how uncertain or impossible it may seem. Faith to move mountains and all that jazz. One small example for me is when I agreed to be in the Children's Ministry for both of the churches I attend. I didn't know how I was going to find the time, the transportation, the ability, but I trusted God to handle it, and yes, He did. And while it seems so minor to me, when I heard other people talk tonight about that, it seemed like a major deal to them. Reminds me of, when I was 8 and drawing, I thought everyone could draw; the concept of only some people being artistically gifted didn't really make sense till I was older. Until then, I thought everyone could draw well.

*head shake, low whistle* Still a bit taken back and yet comfortable with that result. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with that knowledge: leave it here in this little blog post like some sort of picture result from a Quizilla personality test or to actually do something with it. Pastor Hadley has promised that next week, there's supposed to be something incredible happening--some sort of event he's planned. I'm curious, so I'm definitely going. All he would tell us was to think on this:

"If I knew I couldn't fail, this is what I would attempt to do (for God) with my life..."

I'm thinking, I'm thinking. I got faith enough to have an answer ready by then.