Why?

I found out this morning that I'm still not spiritually mature. I was blaming God, screaming at Him, demanding to know why He was punishing me. What had I done to incur the wrath of God?

It's interesting...I read in Sam's Blog about how she was amazed at my absolute faith. Oh, I know God's out there. But...I seem to be having problems right now.

I don't cry. Not normally. But it's been a mess of waterworks all day today. I feel so emotionally, spiritually drained. I just want to run to my church, hide in one of the dusty corners, and rock back and forth, hands over my ears. That'll do me about as much good as dancing on the chairs in a hula dress, wearing a sports foam hand on my head.

I still don't get why people have to act the way they do, especially when there's no reason for it. And I asked that of God over and over again. All He would say is that someone has to learn a lesson. Is it me? Is it the one hurting me? I don't know.

Why do people have to hurt each other? What good does it do? It doesn't. And I realize this more so because I'm in the midst of it. Being hurt for no reason. I hate it. I just want to run. But running won't do any good...things will only stay the same, if not get worse.

What, then, do I do, God? Speak to me, please.

...please, God, I'm begging you. Speak to me.